You bought WHAT?

What is up with all the customer loyalty cards lately?  Everywhere you shop you get asked if you would like to join their customer loyalty club, "it's free and you can get discounts".  Yeah, great!  I was almost convinced, until I thought about it.

I was watching an MSNBC show the other day about grocery store chains.  They were interviewing the CEOs of these companies and asking questions about what methods they use to determine what will make their chains successful.  They use very complicated methods of tracking customer purchases to determine what will be placed upon the shelves.  One of these methods is the customer loyalty program.  By using this method, a grocery chain can track your purchases, provided you use your loyalty card when you buy.  Why wouldn't you?  You get a discount every single time you purchase groceries, and they send you coupons and other incentives via email or even text messages to encourage you to buy more.

Now, I am a strict capitalist, ladies and gents.  I have absolutely no problem with companies trying to make a profit.  That's what makes America great, right?  However, let me make this perfectly clear, I am not so comfortable with some mega giant corporation knowing my grocery buying habits (or any other buying habits, for that matter).  "What's the big deal?" you may be wondering.  Well, I'll tell you.
Let's say that I sign up for my local Supermart's loyalty card program and for the next year I buy everything there.  I buy all of my family's food, our cleaning supplies, hygiene products, pet food, and any other miscellaneous household items.  The whole year long, this company is tracking my purchases.  They know when I purchase things like: toilet paper, feminine hygiene products, over the counter medication, pet food, and things you might not be so proud of purchasing such as junk food, alcohol, sodas, or even cigarettes.  Now this company has very specific information on me, such as, when my monthly woman time is, how often I need to purchase pain medication, when and if I develop a yeast infection, if I'm pregnant, when I get diarrhea, if I am addicted to alcohol or cigarettes, and if I have an unfortunate junk food habit.  They also know what kind of pets (if any) I have.  They may have been able to gather whether or not I am married, how many children I have, and how often I like to bom chicka wow wow by how often I purchase KY Yours and Mine.  Let me just show you some emails I would imagine getting over the next year.

Dear Mrs. Wespesser,
We have noticed that you have not purchased any flowery brand woman tampons lately.  Perhaps you are in need of a coupon for prenatal vitamins.  If you are no longer of child bearing age, perhaps you need a bottle of some herbal hippie-type estrogen supplement.  Either way, please buy it from us.
Thank you and keep spending your entire paycheck here
SUPERMART

Dear Mrs. Wespesser,
We have noticed that you have purchased yucky sticky yeast infection medicine three times this past year.  Perhaps you could use a coupon to visit our in-store clinic?  Perhaps you need a coupon for Spartan condoms.  Either way, you are a nasty whore, and we are embarrassed for you, but please continue to spend your money here.
SUPERMART

Dear Mrs. Wespesser,
We have noticed that your purchase of toilet paper and green apple splatter cure anti-diarrhea medication has increased over the past year.  Perhaps you could use a coupon for some more binding dietary items like rice, whole wheat bread and bananas.  Either way, you need to take better care of your bowels.  Hey, even Jamie Lee Curtis recommends it.  Oh yeah, here's a coupon for that yogurt brand she prostitutes her image for.  Thank you and continue to spend your money here, you crazy pooping fiend.
SUPERMART

Dear Mrs. Wespesser,
We have noticed that you are no longer purchasing dog food.  Perhaps you could use a coupon for our in store pet cremation and car wash center?  How about a coupon for 25% off the purchase of a new puppy at our pet adoption center?  Either way, we are glad you are an animal lover, even though you buy way too much red meat (YOU MURDERER).  Thank you and please continue to give plasma so you can continue to afford to shop here.
SUPERMART

So, there's my argument for not signing up for the customer loyalty program.  I'll just continue to clip coupons, and buy things the old fashioned way... with my checking account debit card.

Love and happy shopping!!

Valerie