Nice to meet you

Apparently, I am hilarious and need to share my wit with the world.  I'm not boasting, just repeating what I've been told.  For this reason I have been pressured for awhile now to start a blog about my life.  I make no promises, but hopefully if you are taking this journey with me, you might find yourself amused or maybe you may sympathize with some of my predicaments.  Perhaps you will be able to relate to me, or at the very least, feel somewhat better about yourself as I share my foibles and awkward moments with you.  So, let's get started, shall we?

In "The Sound of Music" the Reverend Mother tells a troubled Maria that "Whenever God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window."  This is all well and good, unless the door in question happens to be attached to a minivan that is slowly sinking into the dark, murky waters of a frigid lake.  In this instance, an open window would allow water to rush in, eventually submerging you in the icy depths.  This is the situation I found myself in (proverbially, of course) five years ago when my husband of sixteen years calmly, and
annoyingly cheerfully told me he wanted a divorce.

So, here I was, up to my neck in the proverbial icy black water of fear and change.  Let's face it folks, I was 37 years old and no Julie Andrews.  Besides, just exactly how many dishy, widowed, wealthy, Austrian Naval captains are out there anyway?  It's not like you'll see an advertisement from one in Craigslist..."Wanted, wife and mother to seven spirited children.  Excellent benefits.  Must have beautiful singing voice and be physically able to twirl around like an idiot in the mountains of Austria.  Nazis need not apply."

I wish I could say I handled my new single motherhood gracefully.  I had my moments of strength and grace, of course, but they were too often interrupted by my goofs and awkward moments.  I learned quite a bit about myself, though, and the first thing I learned was that I actually LIKED myself.  I enjoyed my own company.  On the weekends the kids stayed with their father, I found that, once I had gotten over the initial shock and depression of the devastating change of divorce, I was not all together unhappy.  In fact, if I took the time to think about it and actually admit it to myself, I was HAPPY.  It was as if I was awakening from a long sleep.  I began to notice things about myself that had long lain dormant in my sacrificial attitude as some one's wife and some one's mother.  I lay no blame on anyone for what happened to my personality.  You should never put so much of yourself into any relationship that you forget who you are, and that is what I had done.  Now I was realizing who I was again, and it was marvelous!

During this time of self realization, I met Mr. Right.  Unfortunately, I met him at the WRONG time.  Upon the suggestion of friends, I signed up for an Internet dating site.  (NO, I will not tell you which one... they are not paying me for my endorsement, so until they do... no dice).  He emailed me and we exchanged a few flirts back and forth.  Then, he did something totally weird in today's electronic age.  He asked me for my telephone number.  He said he wanted to hear my voice, and neither one of us were technologically savvy enough to know how to set up a web camera and talk that way, so phone calls it was.  We spoke every single evening for about three weeks before I agreed to go out with him.  I had already gone on two very awkward, "I met you on the Internet so you must be interested in sex" dates... UH - NO THANKS... not yet, guys!!!  David was different from the off... and this was his eventual undoing early on, but redoing later on... THANKYOUGOD.

He complimented me very first thing.  I had told him I wasn't a petite girl, by any means, but he told me that I was beautiful... and you know what, folks?  I think he may have actually meant it.  (I mean NOW I know he did, but then... well, let's just say the trust of men thing was in the crapper).  We had a few wonderful dates, and I was shortly coming to view him as (WHAA WHAA WHAA RED ALERT>>>PANIC MODE) relationship material.  Now, folks, don't think less of me here.  My ex husband was a rebound relationship, and well, we all know how that turned out.  I didn't want David to be mine, so I BOLTED.  Yes, I took the chicken poop way out and just stopped answering his calls or texts.  Crappy of me??  YES.  Cowardly of me??? OH HECK YES. 

OK - for times' sake, and to spare you the gory details of dating in your late thirties, I'll skip the details of the next year.  I had some fun, and a few nice men went out with me, along with a fair share of losers.  I had a really decent rebound guy, who taught me that I deserved the love I had been holding back from.  He told me to go for it... that he knew there was someone out there, and if it wasn't him, then, I needed to find that guy, and never let go.  So.... almost EXACTLY one year from our last date, I logged onto my computer and I took a shot in the dark.  I emailed David.  My heart was pounding as I typed out my apology for not returning his calls.  I told him I was more than certain he had already found someone, and if he had, I apologized for bothering him, but if he was interested, well... here were my details, in case he no longer had them.  Well, folks, I waited... all of two hours!!!  He replied almost immediately after he got home from work.  We talked on the phone for six hours that night, and agreed to go out again the next weekend the kids were at their father's house.

We have been together ever since.  So, he forgave me for my cowardice, and only OCCASIONALLY does he make me feel guilty for it.  We actually discussed it this past weekend, as I was talking to him about this blog.  He says he wished that I would've just given us a chance, and that neither of us had to waste all that time with other people.  That makes sense, and in a way, he's right.... HOWEVER, I'm grateful for my period of self awakening.  That time that I was single and messing in the dating scene was an eye opener.  It taught me to only accept exactly what I wanted.  David was willing to give me that, and in return, accept it from me.  I wouldn't have it any other way!

Nice to meet you - hope you enjoy the blog!!